Observe others

Observing others can help identify the areas that perhaps we want to develop in an authentic way, not to emulate others but to refine our own style. When you see others operate with gravitas you can see traits you like. Then you can consider how you can develop that approach and what opportunities you need to to be able to experiment. Then you can define your own way of being – how you want to act or be to signify gravitas.

Develop it

Once you're clear about how you want to be presenting yourself you then need to focus on that consciously until it becomes unconscious.

Before every meeting or interaction where you want to display gravitas, set an intention of how you want to be. This brings your gravitas approach into sharp focus and means you can 'act' it out in the interaction/meeting.

Then add in some reflection. Review how it went – did you create the impression you wanted to? How would you increase your gravitas next time? You can even ask for some feedback to get a different perspective.

Over time your new approach to gravitas will become embedded unconscious behaviour. Although of course, it's still good to check in with yourself every 6 months or so to make sure you're still creating the definition of gravitas that you want to.

Stop undermining yourself

Over the years you may have developed habits where you downplay your abilities or use disclaimers to make others feel better about your contribution.

This could be saying things in ways that help other people feel more comfortable but which can dilute or undermine the message you want to communicate and your gravitas.

You can look out for these words and phrases, and assess whether you are using them too much. If you find you are using them too much then you will also start to notice how you are eroding the power of the messages you want to communicate. Then you can experiment with how it feels to not use them! I know you're going to find it liberating.

Watch our for:

JUST – " I'm just checking in with you"

ACTUALLY – "actually I'm not sure that's right"

KIND OF – "well, I kind of thought it might be…"

SORRY BUT – " sorry but could I just say something"

A LITTLE BIT – "could you just give me a little bit more time"

Disclaimers are where you add something before the statement you want to make, again often to make others feel better about your contribution or to soften what you are going to say. They dilute your presence though.

They look like this:

" well I'm no expert…"

" I'm just thinking off the top of my head here…"

You're saying you're not an expert when you may well be the expert in the room! You give the impression you know less than you do and you damage your competence. Another one is:

" does that make sense?"

Of course, it makes sense otherwise you wouldn't have said it but you're using it as a way to sai 'is that ok?'

And also check if you're substituting a question for a statement, e.g. "what about increasing the marketing budget?' when you really want to say " I really think we need to increase the marketing budget". You may think it's more 'palatable' to others to position it as a question but you appear less assertive and may not get the answer you really want.

Audit your language to check whether you might be sabotaging your gravitas, and think about how you can position your contributions more assertively.

Amplify your voice

Gravitas is definitely about being heard. If you speak quietly or hesitantly then this can impact your gravitas so reflect on your tone of voice.

Intonation and variety – it's important to be aware of how you use pitch and tone. Vary how you use them to make a point. Record yourslef speaking to see how you come across.

Belief in your voice

Commit to what you want to say and make sure that come across to your audience.

Using I – Your audience need to be clear about your position so don't shy away from using 'I' – it denotes confidence and self belief

Positoning

Think about your sentence contruction and positon the key items at the end. This way your audience will be clear about what you want from them.

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